Saturday, April 14, 2012

Excuses, excuses.

Hi all. Its been awhile - but don't worry, I have excuses! 

EXCUSE#1:  I went to Nashville to visit a friend and I had so much fun drinking wine and gossiping that I didn't have time to write. Also, the following things happened:

1. I discovered my new favorite game. I have never laughed so hard while feeling so guilty and dirty and just plain wrong at the same time. You know that kind of laugh where you can't(!) ...stop(!).... laughing(!) while at the same time your mouth gets all contorted from trying not to smile? Have you ever tried laughing without smiling? Its seriously painful. After several hours of playing this game, my cheeks felt like they had run a marathon.

It feels like a confession to tell you which game it is that I enjoyed so much. While all the innocent children in the world sit around playing Chute and Ladders, those playing this game are snatching them off the playground, stealing their toys and teaching them to say words that would roll your grandma over in her grave.  Please don't hold it against me, ok? I'm turning red with shame as I type this. Maybe I shouldn't tell you.

Ok..... I'll tell you.  The game is called "Cards against humanity" and it is shamelessly dirty and offensive. And, well, yes, hilarious. There, I said it. Judge me all you want. YOU print out the free version online of this game and play it with some friends over a glass of wine and just try not to laugh until you feel like you've been punched in the gut.

2. We saw Tim Gunn! He was so cute and tiny and dashingly handsome. He was wearing one of those suits he always wears and his hair looked like it always does - as if it had just been cut and sculpted by the same people that designed the Ken doll. There were camera crews all around and they were having him walk up and down the street (that crazy, touristy one with all the cowboy bars) pretending to window shop - you know, cause those reality TV shows are so real, ya'll. Not staged at all. Anyway, it was super exciting and we almost crashed into some big-haired, boot-wearing Nashvillians in order to pull over and watch him prance down the street. 

3. I got food poisoning from a hotdog and ended up groaning in the back seat for 5 hours while my friend Frances drove us home. Thanks to Frances. No thanks to the hotdog.

EXCUSE#2: My mom had open heart surgery on Wednesday.

Needless to say this has been a stressful, emotional experience. But modern medicine is AMAZING and, although still in the hospital, she is recovering super well. Some doctor opened up my Mom's body and replaced one of her heart valves with one from a pig. A pig! The same day she was awake and talking. Three days later and she's up and walking. Its really incredible.

Unfortunately my mom's experience in the hospital has been less-than-incredible. The food is kinda like that Nashville hotdog and the nurses are no Tim Gunn, but she'll be home soon and ready to play tennis again in a few months! (I doubt my sweet mother, however, would EVER be ready to play "Cards against humanity" - even her new, super strong pig-heart couldn't take it). 


  1. Grrl, you're a trouper! And there was no groaning, at least not that I heard over singing Mary Poppins.

    I know you're excited to get your mom back home soon!